Why do bad things happen to good people?
The bible tells us that there is a one word answer to that question. Sin. All of the bad that happens in this crazy world is a consequence of sin. It was sin that ruined the perfect world God had planned for us. When Adam and Eve disobeyed God, the world was instantly broken.
“And then the man He said, ‘Since you listened to your wife and ate from the tree whose fruit I commanded you not to eat, the ground is cursed because of you. All your life you will struggle to scratch a living from it. It will grow thorns and thistles for you, though you will eat of its grains. By the sweat of your brow will you have food to eat until you return to the ground from which you made. For you were made from the dust and to dust you will return.'” Genesis 3:17-19
And just like a trail of dominoes, that one act of sin at the beginning of human existence, put into effect a downward spiral of brokenness that would continue to affect all people for all of time on earth. It was never supposed to be this way, and sadly, there is nothing that we can do to avoid it. There is nothing that you did to “deserve” this loss. Instead, it is a terrible side effect of living in a broken world. We will endure heartache and we will all lose loved ones at some point or another. Jesus tells us it is inevitable.
“I have told you of this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
This life is hard, even for believers. When you put your faith in Jesus, you are not granted a “get out of jail free” pass to escape all of the hurt in this life. That pass doesn’t come until we experience death ourselves and stand before the King. Thanks to Jesus, only then we will be granted an eternity with no tears or loss or sickness.
“He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.” Revelation 21:4
On this earth, bad things will happen to everyone. There is just no way around it. Those are the rules here. But, after this life, things will be completely different for the believer. All things will be made right, and the world will no longer be broken.
God allowed my baby to die, so He must not love me.
FALSE. God loves you more than you can ever imagine. Look at it this way…. The same love that you feel for your child is only a fraction of the feelings of love that God has for you. How can I be so sure of that? Because over 2,000 years ago God watched His own son die a horrific and gruesome death for us. He had all the power in the universe to stop it. But he allowed his son to die because He loves us. How great that love must be to watch your son die! I simply cannot imagine choosing that for my son for the sake of others.
“For God so loved the world so much that He gave His one and only son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but will have eternal life.” John 3:16
I grew up in church. I’ve known the words to “Jesus Loves Me” all of my life. But never have I appreciated what was done for me on the cross as much as I do now. Jesus died so that I could spend eternity in heaven with Him. But before that happens, I get to spend my life knowing Him and living the days He planned for me. Not because I deserve it, but because my Heavenly Father loves me unconditionally and would do anything for me. Even watch His own son die. How I wish that did not have to happen. No parent should ever have to watch their child die – human or heavenly.
God loves you more than you could ever fathom. Just like you, His child died. But unlike you, He had every power in the universe to be able to stop it. But He didn’t. God allowed His son to die. For you! There is no way He would have done that if He didn’t love you!
“The Lord your God is in your midst. The mighty one will save you. He will rejoice over you with gladness. He will quiet you with His love. He will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17
Why would God create a baby that was destined to die?
Pastor and author John Piper says that the sole reason we are created is to display God’s own glory.
“Bring all who claim me as their God, for I made them for my glory. It was I who created them.” Isaiah 43:7
“So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it for the glory of God.” 1 Corinthians 10:31
The point of our lives is not to have healthy pregnancies, or healthy babies, or even long lives. Those things are about us. Instead, the whole point of every living thing in this world is to display God’s perfect glory. Our lives are not about us. They are about Him. Our one and only purpose in this life is to glorify God.
You just gave birth to a beautiful baby. I don’t know about you, but I think that we take for granted the miracle that babies are. Think about it: two cells meet up and create a human being. A HUMAN BEING! But before that can happen, the two cells have to overcome a great amount of adversity to even get to each other. I could go on, but you get my point. The miracle of pregnancy and creation is amazing. Babies scream God’s glory by existing, and your baby is no exception.
“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous – how well I know it!” Psalm 139: 13-14
Some are only given a couple of minutes on earth to fulfill their purpose. The rest of us are given a lifetime. With every waking morning, we have a new chance to glorify God, just like our babies did.
Do you have a living relationship with Jesus Christ?
I know that Jesus died for my sins and I am building a lifelong relationship with Him. Because of that I will see my loved one again. Do you have that same hope?
“And now, dear brothers and sisters, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died so you will not grieve like people who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and was raised to life again, we also believe that when Jesus returns, God will bring back with Him the believers who have died.” 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14
If you do, I am so glad! The bible tells us that these promises are true and that we can rest in them. While it won’t take the pain away, I hope that is provides some comfort and eases your burden to know that your child’s death is not the end of their existence.
If you do not know Jesus personally, I just can’t tell you how much you are missing. Not only in the next life, but in this one also. While having the Holy Spirit reside in your heart will not guarantee an easy life, it will guarantee that you are never alone. I can tell you from personal experience that the Lord Himself carried me through pain that this life has to offer. You don’t have to walk this road alone. There is a God in heaven that wants to walk with you. You just have to ask Him.
“The Lord hears His people when they cry for help. He rescues them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirit is crushed.” Psalm 34″ 17-18
If you would like to have a personal relationship with God, please pray this prayer:
I admit I am a sinner, and I need your forgiveness. I believe that your son Jesus Christ died in my place, paying the penalty for my sins. I am willing to turn from my sins and accept Jesus Christ as my personal Savior and Lord. I commit myself to you, and ask you to send the Holy Spirit into my life, to fill me and take control, and to help me become the kind of person that you want me to be. Thank you Father for loving me.
In Jesus name,
I would be honored to talk with you or put you in contact with a pastor near you who can speak with you.
Angel Wings Memory Gowns
- I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and Recovery,by Ellen DuBois
- Empty Cradle, Broken Heart, Revised Edition: Surviving the Death of Your Baby,by Deborah Davis
- Grieving the Child I Never Knew,by Kathe Wunnenburg
- I Will Carry You: The Sacred Dance of Grief and Joy,by Angie Smith
- Empty Arms,by Pam Vredevelt
- A Rose in Heaven,by Dawn Siegrist Waltman
- Safe in the Arms of God: Truth from Heaven About the Death of a Child,by John MacArthur
- Sunshine After the Storm: A Survival Guide for the Grieving Mothers,by Alexa H. Bigwarfe
- Unexpected Goodbye: When Your Baby Dies,by Angela Rodman
- Comfort,by Ann Hood
- Life Touches Life: a Mother’s story of stillbirth,by Lorraine Ash
- Choosing to SEE,by Mary Beth Chapman
- Holding onto Hope,by Nancy Guthrie
- And Then You Were Gone: Restoring the Broken Heart after Pregnancy Loss,by Becky Avella
- Tender Fingerprints,by Brad Stetson
- Our Baby, Our Love, Our Loss,by Kathi Evans
- Losing You Too Soon,by Bernadette Keaggy
- I’ll Hold You In Heaven,by Jack Hayford
- I’ll Hold You in Heaven Remembrance Book,by Debbie Heydrick
- Holding On To Faith: Hope After Miscarriage And Loss,by Audrey McDonald Carney
- Giant Hero,by Tracy Ahrens (carrying to term)
- The Fragile Heart,by Shelly Rainey
- Forever Our Angels,by Hannah Stone
Books (Specifically for dads):
- A Guide for Fathers When a Baby Dies, by Tim Nelson
- Strong and Tender: A Guide for the Father Whose Baby has Died, by Pat Schwiebert
- Fathers Feel Too: a Book for Men by Men on Coping with the Death of a Baby, by Andrew Don
Books (Specifically for Siblings):
- We Were Gonna Have a Baby, But We Had an Angel Instead, by Pat Schwiebert
- Something Happened, by Cathy Blanford
- Always My Twin, by Valerie R. Samuels
- Where is Chloe? by Donna A. Wilkins
- I’m Still A Sister, by Brooke Lara Caputo
Books (Specifically for Couples):
- Couple Communication After a Baby Dies: Differing Perspectives,by Sherokee IIse
Books (Specifically for Grandparents):
- A Grandparents Sorrow,by Pat Schwiebert
- For Bereaved Grandparents,by Margaret H. Gerner
- Forgotten Tears: A Grandmother’s Journey Through Grief,by Nina Bennett
Resources in English & Spanish:
Resources and Support:
- I will carry you by Selah
- Home by Nicole Sponberg
- Held by Natalie Grant
- Glory Baby by Watermark
- You wouldn’t cry by Mandisa
- Not for a moment by Vertical Church
- From this one place by Sara Groves
- Your hands by JJ Heller
- Blessings by Laura Story
- Beauty from pain by Superchick
- Before the morning by Josh Wilson
Carrying After Fatal Diagnosis:
- sustaininggrace.org (financial assistance for those wanting a 3D ultrasound)
Recognition of Life:
- innocents.com/shrine.asp (have your baby’s name listed in their Book of Life)
- missingangelsbill.org (lists the states that have birth certificates resulting in stillbirth)
- sayinggoodbye.org (remembrance services)
Resources Specifically for Fathers:
Pregnancy & Infant Loss Research:
Direct Parent to Parent Support:
Journeys of Grieving Moms:
- Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome Foundation
- SOFT-Trisomy 18, 13 and Other Related Chromosomal Disorders
- Preeclampsia Foundation
- Resolve-The National Infertility Association
- National Down Syndrome Society
- Cherubs-Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia
- Group B Strep
- Poor Prenatal Diagnosis
Private Facebook Support Groups: